


Hondo and Kenobi Save the Galaxy

by AmethystWinter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Adventure, Awkward Flirting, Fight scenes are hard to write, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, My First Fanfic, Or maybe just awkward dialogue, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 22:48:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15959207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmethystWinter/pseuds/AmethystWinter
Summary: “What do you want, Ohnaka.” Mace grits out.“I am in need of a Jedi Master.”  Hondo orates grandly.“You’ll have to be more specific.”  Mace looks like he’s fighting to keep the vein on his forehead from popping out.“I am in need of a Jedi Master,” Hondo starts again, with a pointed look at Master Windu, “To help me stop a Sith.”





	Hondo and Kenobi Save the Galaxy

**Author's Note:**

> I feel there needs to be more Hondo and Kenobi crazy road trip like fics. So of course, this one only marginally applies :P

“Knight Mereen, you’re late for your mission check in.” 

Face made hazy by the hologram the Jedi Knight looks chagrined, “I…there is a reason for the delay, Master Windu.”

“Care to elaborate, Knight Mereen?” Windu says flatly.

“Well…” Knight Mereen takes a quick glance at something off holo before the Jedi is pushed out of view.

The figure who takes his place introduces himself with bombastic hand gestures that show off and accentuate his finery. “Ah! Jedi Masters! You may be familiar with me and my work, I am Hondo Ohnaka! I’m afraid I am the reason that poor Knight Bean is late to his check in.”

Off to the side the Jedi Council could clearly hear Knight Mereen spluttering as he tries to correct his name.

Plowing on Hondo gestures vaguely to the Knight off holo as he continues, “As you can see, Knight Mekeen is not too appreciative of our hospitality. And we are willing to return him to your abundant bosom…for the right deal, of course.”

Straightening up from a couple of subtle deep calming breaths Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi stares down the figure before giving them a cool greeting.  
“Hondo, I’m glad to see you’ve been keeping busy.”

“Kenobi! Just the Jedi I was hoping to speak to! You look exhausted old friend, I know of this one spa in the Mid Rim-”

At this point the astute listener would hear Knight Mereen mutter, “Sure, you get his name right.”

“Hondo Ohnaka,” Mace breaks in with a severe look on his face, “I believe you were saying something on how we can get our wayward Knight back.”

“Ah yes, back to business.” Hondo makes sure to take the moment to rub his hands together gleefully before standing up straight, placing his hands behind his back and making eye contact with Master Windu. Several of the Jedi Council further come to attention themselves at the change of demeanor of the pirate. Kenobi keeps his gaze fixed and body language relaxed, the last thing they need is for Hondo to read into their movements and up the ante. 

“You see, gentlemen and ladies,” Hondo begins, bowing at Masters Gallia and Ti, “I have come to find myself with a most unfortunate dilemma on my hands. One that I am sadly forced to admit I need Jedi help on.”

“Hey!” Knight Mereen yelps from the background.

Windu narrows his eyes at the pirate before speaking, “Jedi help. The only help we’ve been known to provide you with, Ohnaka, is giving you spice and credits to ransom our members back to us. You have something different in mind this time?”

“Oh-ho! You are a sharp one Master Windu! As I would hate to besmirch my honor and our wonderful tradition it will indeed be a ransom, of a sort. But with the payment being less material.”

“What do you want, Ohnaka.” Mace grits out. 

“I am in need of a Jedi Master.” Hondo orates grandly. 

“You’ll have to be more specific.” Mace looks like he’s fighting to keep the vein on his forehead from popping out. 

“I am in need of a Jedi Master,” Hondo starts again, with a pointed look at Master Windu, “To help me stop a Sith.”

Taking in the shocked silence of the Jedi Council, Hondo looks proud of the confusion and dismay. 

“How have you come by one of the Sith, Hondo?” Kenobi asks with cynic amusement. 

“Well, since it’s you who asked, Kenobi, I shall tell you! My band of pirates and I were out liberating treasures from where some people had so rudely locked them. And oh, the treasures we found, just beautiful! There was one in particular that caught my special attention, absolutely stunning, but dangerously so. Hmmm, much like yourself, Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan could’ve sworn that he heard Master Adi choke at that. Mace gave up all pretense of calm and slowly turned to look upward clearly pleading the Force to take him now. Yoda somehow managed to look vaguely amused and serene. 

“Well, thank you for that, Hondo.” Is Obi-Wan’s dry reply. “Now back to the Sith…”

Waving an arm dismissively Hondo returns to his narration. “Yes, yes, now where was I?” It’s clear it was meant to be a rhetorical question, but the green troll answers anyway, true to form.

“Beautiful and dangerous treasure, you were describing.” Yoda prompts with a subtle smirk.

“Of course! Well, there was much treasure to free from their imprisoning containment, but the one I describe to you was a masterpiece. A sphere of dark stone with gold and orange veins worked in.” At this point in his story, Hondo looks dreamily off into the middle distance, “Stunning.” He murmurs to himself. 

“What happened next!” Comes a cry from off holo.

Affecting a startled expression, Hondo looks to the side and asks in apparent confusion, “Knight Bareen! You’re still here?”

“Mareen!” The young knight pleads, “And of course I’m still here. You chained me to the radiator.”

Giving a shrug, Hondo soothes the Jedi by saying, “Then let me finish the story and we can get back to ransoming you back to your Order.”

All Knight Mareen has to offer to that is an offended huff.

Nodding in satisfaction Hondo returns to his tale. “It’s later that night after we’ve returned to Florrum and I go to check on my treasure. There was something about the stone that just…sang. And in my treasure room do you know what I find?!”

“A Sith.” Is Obi-Wan’s droll input. 

Giving Master Kenobi a baleful look Hondo otherwise ignores him and continues, “It was one of my men, Stinkeye. Who had his grubby hands all over my treasure! Well, that just isn’t done, putting your hands on another man’s treasure. So I look at him and say, ‘Hey Stinkeye! You’ve already gotten your share, what business have you in the treasure room!’” Turning serious again he meets the eyes of the Jedi Council before going on, “When he met my eyes they were yellow, awful things, and in his hands was the sphere. That was when he told me, “Who the kriff is Stinkeye? You are addressing Darth Lance.’, then they raised up the sphere and then it pushed. And next thing I know I’m waking up in the hallway staring into my now much more empty treasure room!”

Mace, finally recognizing that the Force wasn’t yet ready to call him home, returns to look at Hondo before asking, “While this all does sound very…suspicious, I’m still curious as to why you are contacting the Jedi for help. I would think that in your line of work you’d prefer to keep a distance from us.”

With an elaborate shrug Hondo answers, “Most of the time I’d agree with you, but against a Force user, it’s best to bring in heavier weapons.” 

“Still, this seems almost altruistic for you, Hondo.” Obi-Wan says thoughtfully.

Scowling something fierce the pirate points a finger at Obi-Wan, “Fine! Not only did this Darth Loony knock me out, they took much of my treasure! My treasure! And most of my crew! I can’t let word get out that Hondo Ohnaka was robbed blind by a body hopping ghost! That they were a Sith makes it harder to hunt them down.”

“Let me get this straight,” Mace begins, massaging his temples, “You want to stop this Sith because they robbed you, and you want Jedi to…distract this Sith so you can steal your treasure back.” 

“Precisely, Master Jedi! You will send the Jedi Master to Florrum, and when they arrive Knight McNeen will take the ship back to the temple.”

“Kriff you.” The Council hears Knight Mereen growl at Hondo. 

The Council turns to each other to start the discussion on who would be best to send for such a mission when Hondo broke the conversation up before it could even really begin. 

“Yes.” Mace demanded, now with twitching eyebrow. 

“I already know who will accompany me on this most dangerous adventure.”

“Enlighten me.” Mace growls. 

“As you said yourself, Master Windu, given who I am and what I do, trust is very important in such matters. Such a good thing then that I already happen to trust one of your Council members! The one who also happens to have the moniker of The Sith Killer! Lucky coincidence, really.”

When Hondo had opened his mouth, Obi-Wan had had a bad feeling, and when Hondo finishes his little speech and cements that bad feeling, Obi-Wan makes sure his mental shields are tight before indulging in some A grade cussing. The sympathetic look Mace was giving him was also not helping matters. 

Sympathetic or not, Mace barrels on, “The Negotiator will not be ready to see further action for at least another three weeks with the damages from its last engagement. You would have time for this…excursion without compromising current war efforts.”

Obi-Wan makes sure to give Mace a look that conveys the entirety of his ire at the taller Jedi, before he clears his facial expression and turns back to the holo. “It seems we are in luck, Hondo. I will be on the first ship out tomorrow for Florrum. And Knight Merren, do try and hang on until I can get there.”

Before disconnecting the holo the Jedi Council saw Hondo turn to Knight Merren with expansive arms, “See what an honorable person General Kenobi is! If you were my man, I might just have left you!”

**

“Kenobi!” The exuberant voice greets him as the Jedi steps down from his transport stopping just beyond his ship’s ramp. With his usual bombastic hand gestures Hondo goes up to greet the Council Member, “It’s good to see you again, it has been too long has it not?”

“Under different circumstances I might even agree with you, Hondo. However, I’m afraid there is a particular hostage I need to assure the health and… sanity of.” 

A snort greets that statement, “If a Jedi cannot tolerate my most hospitable company for less than a standard week, I don’t know if you’d want them back. Too fragile for your line of work I’d think.” 

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow at his companion, “I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit.”

His response is a sly smile, “There’s a reason I like you, Kenobi.”

“It wouldn’t have to do with how I helped you acquire several thousand credits with my capture?”

Next thing Obi-Wan is aware of is bending forward under the pressure of Hondo’s hand as it smacks him jovially across his back. “Ha! You are a rare find, my friend! Not only can you fight with that laser sword, but also with wit! Don’t get a lot of that around here.” Hondo finished pensively, just in time for the two of them to watch a couple of Hondo’s men get in a fight over who spilled beer on who’s shirt.

“Yes, very rare thing around here.” Hondo muses further, “Well, let us go collect your Little Bean!” 

“While I certainly appreciate the need to tour your facilities, I’m afraid that’ll have to wait until Knight Mereen is brought here. Knowing your tendencies, I’m sure you can understand my caution?”

“I’d be insulted if you weren’t! Men! Bring out Little Bean!” 

Hondo chooses to ignore Obi-Wan’s side look at the continued use of the nickname for the Jedi Knight. Instead turning to look over Obi-Wan’s ship with an appreciative eye. 

It isn’t too long before Knight Mereen is brought out, sandwiched between two of Hondo’s men looking highly irritated, but no worse for wear, which is anticipated of being Hondo’s captive for a couple of days. When the younger Jedi catches sight of Obi-Wan he practically drags his two guards after him as his pace speeds up. Not even looking over at where Hondo has a most amused look on his face he marches up to Obi-Wan giving a small bow as he does so. 

“Knight Mereen, it is good to see you hale and healthy. The Council looks forward to speaking with you upon your return to Coruscant.” 

Not quite able to hide the desperate gratitude in his eyes the younger knight speaks, “Thank you for saving me, I’m not sure how much more I could’ve taken.”

“You were mistreated?” Obi-Wan’s voice hardens, it doesn’t sound like Hondo’s methodology, but…

“No, just putting up with them was it’s own Trial.” 

Hondo lets out an offended huff, “After all the stories and time we spent together Little Bean? This hurts.”

Breaking in before Hondo gets lost in his theatrics Obi Wan uses his lightsaber to quickly and delicately cut into the Force inhibitor cuffs on Knight Mereen’s wrists before gently guiding him up the ships ramp while he stayed on the planet’s soil. Before they get too far, however, Obi-Wan turns around and using the Force pulls Knight Mereen’s lightsaber toward him from where it was being held on Hondo’s belt. Hondo just gives a ‘what can you do’ shrug to Obi-Wan’s questioning look before he hands the lightsaber back to its original owner. 

“I have already inputted Coruscant’s coordinates into the navi-computer. I thought you may not be willing to dally. Your report is, after all, weeks late at this point.”

Seeming to only have heard the first sentence Knight Mereen dashes up the ramp but turns around before entering the ship. “How will you get back?” He asks with a pointed glare at Hondo.

“After helping track down, distract, and fight a Sith on his behalf, I’m sure Hondo would be more than happy to get me back to the Temple. Honor would demand it after all.” A smirk crosses his face as he looks over at Hondo. For his part Hondo looks partially offended and delighted as he realizes that Obi-Wan is more than willing to take advantage of Hondo’s particular moral code to serve his ends. 

“Yes, yes, don’t worry Little Bean. General Kenobi will be returned to you, such self-righteousness isn’t good to have in a den of iniquity such as this.” 

After doing his bare minimum to ensure his superior’s return Knight Mereen gives another bow to Obi-Wan before entering the ship proper and retracting the landing ramp. Both Hondo and Obi-Wan move away as the ship starts it’s warm up sequence before Knight Mereen is finally able to get airborne and leave the planet and Hondo’s hospitality far behind. 

A long suffering sigh comes from Obi-Wan’s right side, “Kids these days, always on the move, and so little appreciation of what they can learn from their elders. But that’s the way it goes, isn’t it Kenobi? Speaking of, how’s that brat of yours?”

“Anakin?” Is the dry reply, “He’s doing well. And asked me to pass along his regrets that he wouldn’t be able to join us for this particular excursion. But given that he did help blow up part of your base last time, he thought it was for the best.” 

“Very thoughtful of him, you’ve raised a good man, Kenobi.” Was the surprisingly serious response. 

Raising an eyebrow at the pirate, Hondo seems to understand his unspoken inquiry. “I already have to hunt down a Sith for looting my treasure, I don’t have time to spare for an incendiary prone Jedi!” 

A soft chuckle, “True, we can’t have Anakin showing up your demolition experts. The damage to you base would be catastrophic, and I’d hate to even think of the damage your men’s ego’s would take.” 

“As you say, we’ll have to test that out, but far far from Florrum, yes? Now, let me show you the scene of this most traumatic crime.” 

**  
“Well? What do your magic Jedi senses say?”

Not looking up from where he is studying a now bare patch of wall Obi-Wan returns, “The orb, this is where you had placed it?”

“Shouldn’t your magic Jedi senses give you more precise information?” Hondo asks, curiosity mixed in with his mild petulance at once again being reminded of all the treasure he lost. 

Finally turning around Obi-Wan gives Hondo a flat look. “While I would love to go into the many varied and nuanced ways the Force works I get the impression you would prefer to just get on with it, hence, the question.”

Giving a begrudging huff Hondo answers, “Yes, yes. That is where the orb and the other treasures we’d rescued from that tomb were placed.” A long pause before Hondo asks the obvious follow up question, “Why do you want to know? Magic-”

“Jedi senses, yes.” Obi-Wan breaks in before Hondo can finish. He knows the pirate is using it because the phrase is slowly driving him to distraction. “The darkness seems concentrated here, and it would make sense given that the items were all stored in this spot. If they weren’t we’d have to concern ourselves with potential confounding variables and other looted items potentially harboring dark impressions.”

Of course Hondo only really latched on to one particular word in that phrase, “’Looted’? Ah, General Kenobi, you wound me. We liberate!” 

Trying to barge in before Hondo can really get momentum on his tirade Obi-Wan tries to soothe, “Yes, yes, liberate. Well what else can you tell me about this orb and the other…liberated treasures?” 

Pacified for the moment, the pirate goes into further description of the orb, as he does something catches Obi-Wan’s attention. 

“It had hinges? I thought you said it was made out of stone?”

“It was, at least, to my expansive knowledge on various stones one can find throughout this most wondrous galaxy, it was stone. But yes, very crafty hinges were placed along the sides and what could be the top of the orb.” Hondo finishes with a raised eyebrow. 

“Can you draw it for me?” Obi-Wan asks with a bad feeling starting to worm its way into his perception. 

“You’re in luck, Kenobi! I have been practicing my abilities in the various arts. Though, I’m still trying to get the hang of shadows, tricky things, with various light sources. Do you know how hard it is to draw a diamond under direct light?! Prisms everywhere!”

“Hondo!” The Jedi firmly breaks in. 

“Compared to a diamond, this orb should be a simple matter for one of my skills.” Hondo concludes with a flourish. “Although, I am still in need of a nude subject to help me further my anatomical painting abilities.” He tacks on with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. 

Standing up straighter Obi-Wan meets his gaze and responds, “Even when we recover your treasure you won’t have enough to pay me for that…honor.” 

“Oh ho! Well said, Kenobi. We’ll make a pirate of you yet. Now, I keep my supplies in my study.” Hondo chuckles has he leads Obi-Wan away from the nearly bare treasure room. 

**  
“Kenobi! Florrum to Kenobi!” Hondo said for at least the fifth time, getting an idea he starts to wave his hand in front of the Jedi’s face to see if that will startle him back to the present. 

“Hmm?” Is Obi-Wan’s response as he breaks out of his revere. 

“Now, I too am aware of the great talent I possess, but that reaction was a surprise even for me! Back to business then, what have you found?”

“You found a holocron, Hondo. An ancient Sith holocron. And the Sith like putting actual bits of their soul into their holocron’s, so it’s no wonder that bit of soul was able to get out and snag some of your pirates.” 

A long pause greets his statement, finally looking up from the picture Hondo had drawn for him he looks at the pirate in question. 

“I hate to admit it, Kenobi, but that’s actually pretty clever.” Is Hondo’s pondering response. 

“Yes, well. If it is any consolation, it means you men most likely didn’t willingly go against you.” 

“Ah, that is a balm to my poor battered heart. To steal from their captain! What has this galaxy come to!” 

“I’m afraid I’m still working that last bit out myself.” Is the Jedi’s dry retort. It garners a hearty laugh from Hondo and a firm slap on his back for his troubles. 

“Well said! Now, to find this holocron and my treasure.”

One of Hondo’s pirates loudly knocks before barging into where Obi-Wan and Hondo are seated over the picture of the holocron. 

“Boss! You got to see this! It’s kriffing Stinkeye on the holo we just got!”

Raising an eyebrow at the Jedi, Hondo says, “Your Force is most punctual today, my friend. Come! To the communications center!”

Masking his trepidation well, Obi-Wan follows Hondo to the comm center where, being played on a loop is the Sith possessed Stinkeye delivering an ultimatum for those of the crime underworld to join or perish. As the recording begins its loop again, Hondo blithely mentions, “Not the most impressive of speeches, but he does get extra points for presentation.” Then wiping away a fake tear he adds, “Never knew Stinkeye had it in him.”

“You are aware that is not truly Stinkeye.”

Hondo answers after first delivering an expansive shrug, “Yes, but I prefer an optimistic outlook.”

Obi-Wan gives him a blank look before repeating, “Optimistic outlook?”

Seeming affronted Hondo starts, “But of course, Kenobi! I’m always optimistic that all my ventures will be profitable, and it hasn’t let me down yet.” He finishes with a wink.  
“I think that may be more attributed to your being a pirate than your mindset, Hondo.” Then before Hondo could really build up steam, Obi-Wan turns to the pirates manning the comm station, “Do we know where that message came from? And who all it might have been sent to?”

There’s an awkward pause between when the pirates, responding to a voice of authority start to find answers to the questions, stop their work realizing that the querying authority is not the one paying them. Unified in their concern they look to Hondo who just waves a hand dismissively prompting his men to continue before turning back to Obi-Wan and resuming the conversation where Obi-Wan had tried to halt it. 

“I think it surprises you just how similar we are, Kenobi, what a pirate you could be!”

“Hond-“

“You have the hair for it!” Hondo enthuses, clearly warming up to his theme, “The flair, the cunning! My friend, I could easily cut you in for 10% for you to join my crew.”

Obi-Wan is saved from responding by Hondo’s men giving their answers. 

“Hey, Hondo! We’ve heard from several other bands, including your Mother’s, they also got Stinkeye’s message.”

“An it looks like it’s coming from Torva, they didn’t even try an hide it!” The second bursts in proudly. 

“Well,” Obi-Wan broke in drily, “They are trying to recruit.”

**

“Skywalker and Tano are in position, I take it?” Mace asks as he and Yoda walk along the path from the council chamber to the commissary. 

“In a nearby system, they are. Wait, they must, until word we receive from Obi-Wan, that leaving the planet, Ohnaka and his men are.”

Mace nods his understanding. After Hondo had delivered his message several councilors were worried that they’d be receiving another holo in a couple weeks time from Hondo ransoming Kenobi back to them even after aide provided. Considering his past dealings with the pirate, it hadn’t taken Kenobi long to develop a rough plan as further insurance against his being taken hostage again. And while Skywalker was originally less than pleased to not be going with Obi-Wan on this mission, when he heard about the contingency plan that he and his Padawan were needed for he had quickly perked up. Mace would like to say that the unholy gleam of mayhem that lit up Skywalker’s eyes was unique to just that Knight, but it is unbecoming of a Jedi to lie. He has seen that same light in Qui-Gon when he found a loophole in his Council mandated orders, in Obi-Wan when he figured out that one element that drew his whole plan together, and, Force help them all, Tano was starting to get it too. 

Looking down at the troll by his side he finds himself idly wondering if it is a lineage thing, and if so how it started. He must not have been shielding as well as usual because picking up on his thoughts Yoda turns to cackle at him, responding, “Reach 850 years old, and mellow out too you will.”

As with lying it is also unbecoming a Jedi to roll their eyes, so Mace makes do with a heavy sigh.

**

“I just can’t seem to grasp what his aesthetic is, Kenobi.” Hondo breaks the silence by musing, “Clearly he is going for the dark and spooky lair, but the flower covered field to the West throws that off some, hmm?”

“I’m guessing he was going for something defensible.” Obi-Wan tries reasonably. 

“No no no. Practicality only gets you so far in this business, my friend. You have to make a statement! Prove yourself! Which is difficult to do if you shy away from the big spotlight!” To demonstrate his commitment to making a statement, Hondo turns away from the squatting fort that is displayed on their screens toward his men standing behind him. 

With equal parts bemusement and grudging respect for the type of showman Hondo is, Obi-Wan watches as he addresses his remaining crew.

“My crew!” Hondo begins, gestures wide and grand yet somehow maintaining grace in his movements, “We have come to take back what we have rightfully stolen!” Then with a side eye at Obi-Wan he corrects, “Liberated from where more selfish beings would hide them. Now, we’ve dealt with laser sword wielding maniacs before, and this time we have Kenobi to fight them for us, so in reality, the treasure is already ours again!”

Shouts and hoots of approval greet the end of Hondo’s little speech, and with a wink he issues a challenge to Obi-Wan. Keeping eye contact with Hondo for a moment to make him aware that Obi-Wan is alert to his scheme, Obi-Wan then faces forward and starts briskly striding past Hondo’s men, down the hall to where the docking ramp awaits. Deciding to call Hondo out on his dramatics, Obi-Wan uses the Force to activate the ramp, and times it so that without stopping he continues on his way down the ramp, out the ship, and towards the base Darth Lance has set up, all without breaking stride. With his focus as such he didn’t notice how Hondo and his men had watched his theatrical departure with levels of appreciation ranging from guarded to gleeful. “Don’t worry, men.” Hondo adds as they start to debark, “We’ll make a pirate out of him yet!”

**

“You know, Master, this is going a lot easier than I thought it would.”

“Don’t jinx us, Snips. We still have to get on planet and secure the base. And you know Hondo always manages to make things more difficult.” Anakin replies with a grin. 

“I thought that was just you and Master Obi-Wan.” She says with an innocent smile.

Mock glaring at his very young apprentice, Anakin deliberately takes their ship down in a steeper dive than necessary, enjoying his Padawan’s squawk of protest.  
“Case and point.” He still manages to hear her mumble before, laughing, he evens out the ship’s descent. 

**

After his dramatically dignified exit Obi-Wan figures that the quickest way to get the Sith Lord’s attention was to continue on his path and add as much Jedi vaunted stoicism and calm to his actions as possible. What he wasn’t quite sure of is how powerful this Sith would be. From what he could tell from the security holos and messages the Sith had been sending out, it seemed that this Darth Lance had possessed Hondo’s man, Stinkeye. And while Obi-Wan has confidence in his skills, he’d appreciate whatever help he could find, and if that includes his opponent not being familiar with their body, he’d take it. 

It wasn’t long before he had crossed the field between Hondo’s ship and the Sith’s base. Standing in front of the main door, pulling about him that easy swagger Anakin used to tease him about before adopting it, he positions his feet shoulder length apart and waits. He finds it tempting to finish the look off by folding his arms across his chest, but as much as it would add to his arrogant assuredness, he’d prefer to have his hands free if the Sith decides to call his bluff and just try to shoot the Jedi on their doorstep. 

All was quite around him for several heartbeats. Hondo and his remaining men were waiting until the Sith was distracted before they would blow their way in along the side. Suddenly he heard the shift of the door in front of him unbolting and sliding open to reveal a Twi’lek pirate who seems to be reluctantly impressed with the dashing figure Obi-Wan knew he cut. 

“Darth Lance is waiting for you, Jedi. Says your arrogance deserves to be rewarded and you can die by their blade.” The pirate turned doorkeeper dutifully intones.  
Giving him a beatific smile Obi-Wan answers, “That will work, thank you. If you would be so kind as to lead me to them I’d be much obliged.”

The doorkeeper gives Obi-Wan an eye roll and a huff for his politeness before stalking away deeper into the base leaving Obi-Wan to follow. 

**

“Alright men, Kenobi is in! Tongy, get the detonators. And Blitz get the explosives in place by that east wall!” Making sure all his crew could see him standing tall and brazen by the ramp out of the ship, Hondo added, “The treasure will again be ours, gentlepirates!” Before he dashed off the ship. 

The explosives and the following explosions were easily placed and directed. Breaking into locations on various exotic worlds was a specialty of their chosen profession. While the hole still smoked around the edges Hondo and two of his crew cautiously made their way through the wall. Catching sight of a security holo, Hondo lazily raised a blaster before shooting the device to unrecognizability, leaving them and a growing number of the crew in an otherwise deserted hallway. 

Making a show of testing the air and peering down the long hallway that stretched out to either side Hondo made up his mind and tore off down the hallway leading to where his instincts told him the treasure was placed. 

It wasn’t too long before Hondo and his pirates found the vault where their treasure was no doubt interred. While it hadn’t been the easiest of break in’s, he could admit that Kenobi seemed to be doing his job as a distraction quite well. Even so they’d come across their fair share of goons. A couple had even been his goons! In those cases Hondo was more than happy to realize that a single sharp slap to the head was usually enough to snap his wayward crew to recognize their captain. Except for Pumpkin, but they’d always had a rather thick skull. 

Now standing in front of what so obviously was a vault containing treasures untold, Hondo couldn’t help but give in to his showman’s instincts. “This is it! My friends, we have before us our treasure! Treasure that was so rudely stolen from us by a Sith Lord! If nothing else, it at least means we know we have the good stuff!”

Guffaws and cheers meet his declaration as he turns on his heel and flourishing his special made vibroblade, sticks it into the locking mechanism as it then proceeds to short-circuit the system. Silence falls as he slowly pushes the vault door open to undoubtedly reveal his stolen treasure and whatever other jewels had been hidden away by the Sith. 

“It’s empty.” There’s a long beat of bemused confusion as their brains try and comprehend on what their eyes insist on telling them.  
“He spent all my treasure?!” Hondo finally gives in and wails. Sinking to the ground as his monkey-lizard tries patting his shoulder in a soothing gesture. 

“All that work, my life’s work. Spent by a Sith with abysmal taste.” His crew watches on, not quite sure where to go from here, just as lost as their captain. 

Abruptly standing up, nearly dislodging his now grumpy monkey-lizard, Hondo growls out, “That’s it, I’m going to kill me a Sith Lord. Nobody spends Hondo Ohnaka’s treasure and gets away with it!” Before storming down the hall, taking down approaching Sith henchmen with a ferocious single-mindedness. 

**

“Jedi” A dry voice rasps as the twi’lek leads Obi-Wan into where the Sith Lord is obviously holding court. It’s about as ostentatious as he would expect from someone who managed to rob Hondo blind, the aesthetic being heavy in languid drapery and bold colors. 

Coming to a relaxed halt several paces away from the lounging Sith Lord, Obi-Wan smoothly greets them, “Hello there. Is this Darth Lance I have the great pleasure of meeting?” 

Sitting up in what Darth Lance no doubt hopes is a sleek and intimidating glide, comes across as haphazard in Stinkeye’s stocky and possessed body. “Yes, Jedi. Know this face and fear, as it will be the last you see.” 

Obi-Wan raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Hmmm, I’ve seen more pleasant visages.” 

It’s clear that the Sith wasn’t expecting a flippant answer, more than likely they were hoping for him to cower in fear, and perhaps a bit of groveling if he was feeling up for it. But if Obi-Wan is being honest with himself, this was the fourth Sith he’s encountered since the Clone Wars has started up, and it is becoming an exercise in same song different verse. After all his encounters, he’s under the impression that there can be only two Sith, because even they cannot take the over abundance of drama they are capable of creating. Although, Anakin could certainly give them a run for their credits in terms of theatric ability, Obi-Wan muses. 

Eyes narrowed in anger the Sith leans forward in their throne and spits out, “State your purpose, I would know before I have you destroyed.”

Obi-Wan really wishes he could cross his arms at this point to prove just how utterly underwhelmed he is by this Sith’s grandstanding. Keeping his stance relaxed in the case this Darth Lance strikes, Obi-Wan replies, “You’d have me destroyed? That seems rather cowardly for a Sith Lord.”

Grimacing the black robed weeaquayen juts his chin up defiantly, “And you expect this goading of yours to work, Jedi?”

A winning smile graces The Negotiator’s face, “In fact, I do.”

**

Nearly stomping into what Hondo easily recognizes as a throne room of sorts the only thing that stops him from shooting the Sith full of lasers is the fact that he seems to be currently engaged in a lightsaber duel with Kenobi. Heaving a sigh at how unfair life is, is it really too much to ask to repeatedly shoot the man who stole your treasure? Hondo takes in a deep breath before calling out to the fighting pair, “Kenobi! That slimy son of a backwards worm spent my treasure!” 

He gets a quick acknowledgment in response to his verbal complaint with a swift salute from the Jedi’s saber. Gesturing for his crew to join him, Hondo settles in for what he is sure to be an entertaining match. Pit, stars bless her, even brought her flasks of assorted liquors and paint removers. Sharing Pit’s bounty with the rest of his crew they were all starting to enjoy themselves and were by turns cheering on the Jedi and booing the Sith. Hondo finds himself confiding to another that he didn’t even know Kenobi could move like that! “His Hair! The swoosh! All very springy! That stick up his ass must’ve more give to it than I thought.” 

This was said louder than Hondo had anticipated, because next thing he knows and there’s a Sith Lord being Force pushed right into where he and his crew are standing. Cussing creatively they all manage to duck and avoid being smashed by a flying treasure robber. 

“Sorry Hondo!” Kenobi somehow still sounds genial, even as he is now back to fighting the Sith, “The stick in my ass must’ve slipped!”

“Kenobi!” Hondo starts, before deflating slightly, “Eh, he’s right. I’ll give him that one.”

The duel begins to wind down, while it’s clear that Kenobi could continue to fight on such a level for a time yet, Stinkeye’s body is not near as fit. The most workout it gets is lifting bags of loot from the ground onto a transport, and the Sith inside is horrifyingly aware. It’s with an anguished scream that the Sith violently shifts their essence back into the holocron they’d manage to pull from Stinkeye’s pocket as they dodged Kenobi’s strikes. After all the laser sword fighting the silence takes everyone by surprise. While they start to get their bearings back, Kenobi has used part of his robe to pick up the holocron and tuck it into an inner pocket. 

**

Obi-Wan looks up from where he was trying to use his first aid knowledge to figure out Stinkeye’s condition. Hondo towering over his crouched figure, “Yes?” he started politely. 

“You, Kenobi, are a crazy son of a gundark.” Then a big grin spread across the weequayens face as he added, “But it’s my kind of crazy!”

“Glad to know I’m in good company.” Is the sarcastic reply. 

Hondo raises one of his eyebrows to call his bluff, but then changes the topic, “And how is our man Stinkeye?” 

“I think he’s just unconscious, but it would be best to check in with a medic, I’m afraid I don’t know what effects may come about from being possessed by a Sith spirit for as long as he has been.” 

“And the Sith?” Hondo rumbles.

“Seems to be confined again to their holocron. As long as no one makes direct contact with it, it should stay locked, with our friend Darth Lance in it.” 

“Good, good. Well, Kenobi, my friend. I’m afraid we’re at a rather awkward turn in this most wonderful conversation.”

Obi-Wan just gives Hondo a nonplussed look before firmly stating, “No.” 

“You’ve got to try and see it from my perspective! He took all my treasure, how am I to pay for my crew? My booze!?”

Obi-Wan raises a hand to warily rub the bridge of his nose. “After all this talk of honor you’ll renege on our deal?” 

“The deal was that I’d get my treasure back at the end of this adventures. Given that the Sith loony seemed to waste it on tacky wall hangings I have to go with plan Besh!” Hondo tries to cajole.

“So,” Obi-Wan starts dryly, “holding your business partner for ransom is plan Besh?”

“Exactly!” Hondo beams, I’m glad you see it from my perspective, but then you always were a reasonable sort of sentient.”

**

Hondo was a bit surprised by the sly smile the Jedi gives him even as he shakes his head. “I can recognize when words are past their use, and we’ve clearly gone beyond that point.”

Gesturing to a couple of his crew to come over, they gingerly place stun cuffs on the Jedi, but are considerate enough not to mess with his robes where the holocron is. In fact, Hondo is more than happy to allow Kenobi to keep the artifact that started this whole mess. 

The trip back to the ship is a short one. But Hondo makes sure he takes the time to tell his now captive business partner of the sheer number of terrifying decorations they’d encountered in the Sith’s lair. 

“Surely you could try and sell back some of the decorations as opposed to going through this farce, Hondo?” Kenobi asks. 

“Count yourself lucky, General, that you did not see such monstrosities yourself. We would’ve had to pay others to take them off our hands!”

“As you say, Hondo.” Is Kenobi’s only response before he leads the pirates up the ramp and into the ship they had arrived on. 

**

Mace had felt his headache growing steadily all day, in direct correlation with how long it had been since they last heard from Obi-Wan. At this point, he was just wondering when the bantha shit would hit the fan. Giving Adi a small smile he rubs at his temples to relieve some of the pressure. When the young Knight on Council Secretary duty darts in, thankfully stopping Yoda from giving him a concerned side eye and preventing Adi from reaching his spot. Mace knew this was the moment for which his headache had been heralding. 

“Masters,” the young Knight began, “We have received a holo from one Hondo Ohnaka who would like to speak with you.”

Sending a concerned glance at Mace, Adi speaks, “Is Obi-Wan in holo view with him?” 

“Yes the pirate is wanting to ransom Master Kenobi back to us, and Master Kenobi seems…untroubled by the change in circumstances.” The Knight finishes. 

Sitting up straighter in his chair, Mace instructs the secretary to route the holo into the Council Chamber. Now giving Mace his full attention, Adi questions, “You have a plan, Mace?”

A smirk winds its way across his lips as he replies, “In all fairness, it was Obi-Wan’s idea. But, yes. I helped.”

Thankfully Adi could do no more than narrow her eyes in suspicion as the holo of Hondo then appeared in the center of the chamber. Both Ohnaka and Obi-Wan standing within view and the secretary had spoken truly. While Ohnaka looks disgruntled, Obi-Wan appears calm and completely at ease with the situation. 

Delighting in the fact that his headache was about to go away, Mace started off the exchange. 

“Hondo Ohnaka, a pleasure it is to see you again. Master Kenobi, we’re glad to see you well.”

His small smile visible over the holo, Obi-Wan responds before Hondo even opens his mouth. “The pleasure is all mine. The mission has been completed to the near satisfaction of all involved, and there have been no unforeseen complications.”

Taking a moment to scowl at the Jedi by his side, Hondo then responds, “Yes, yes, you have been a model Jedi and destroyed the Sith. But my treasure is gone, and as you’re here in stun cuffs it really is my satisfaction you need be concerned with.” 

Trying to clamp down on the grin that wants to burst onto his face, Mace takes a second to calm himself to his normal taciturn visage. “Hondo Ohnaka, are you trying to tell the Council that you’ll be going back on your deal for the expertise of our Sith Killer?” Ignoring Obi-Wan’s irritated huff at the title, Mace continues, “That you will be ransoming Master Kenobi back to us after all?” 

Looking a bit smug, Hondo returned, “Actually my dear Jedi, we never agreed on a deal for the safe return of General Kenobi. Your Master Jedi came for the release of young Knight Bean and for the mutual benefit of destroying another Sith.” 

Raising a hand to cover his growing grin under the pretense of rubbing his brow, Mace asks Obi-Wan. “I take it now is the time to implement your back up plan?”

With a show of removing his stun cuffs Obi-Wan seems to be enjoying the confusion and anticipation coming off the pirate beside him. “Yes, after all, it has been quite some time since I’ve seen my beloved Padawan and Grandpadawan, and I do miss them so.”

Finally showing his smile, Mace calls out to their secretary, “Knight Venla, could you please contact Knight Skywalker and Padawan Tano as they may join our conversation?”

**

Both Skywalker and Tano ignored the bound and squirming forms behind them as they loitered around Hondo’s communication hub on his base on Florrum. 

“That was easier than I had thought it was going to be.” Ahsoka said to her Master as she twirled one of her lightsabers through her fingers. 

“Well, Hondo took most of his crew with him when he and Obi-Wan left. And it helped that he hadn’t changed the layout since the last time Obi-Wan and I were here.” Anakin responds, keeping a close eye on the incoming communications aspect of the hub. 

“That was when you and Master Obi-Wan got caught, right? And with Dooku!” She finishes making a face at the last name. 

“Hmm.” Anakin responds, hoping this conversation isn’t going where he thinks it is.

“Wait, how did you and Master Obi-Wan get caught by Hondo anyway?” Comes his Padawan’s innocent follow up question. 

Trying to stall and ask the Force for a distraction, Anakin starts, “Well, Padawan mine. There comes a time in every Jedi’s experience when-“ A loud beeping disrupts his rambling, a chirping that announces an incoming conference call, if they would like to accept? 

Ignoring Ahsoka’s less than impressed look at his pitiful verbal meandering, Anakin pushes the call’s acceptance. Immediately two holo view points spring to life, one is of the Jedi Council, with Mace and Yoda more easily distinguishable, the other shows Hondo and Obi-Wan. And as quick as Anakin had accepted the call, it sounds like they managed to interrupt the conversation Hondo was having with Obi-Wan. 

“Really Kenobi, I’m sure you miss your brat and bratling, but this is a standard ransom! We bargain a bit, some arguing, but at the end of the rotation you get to go back to your Jedi palace and I get credits!”

Anakin doesn’t fight the smile that overwhelms his face at hearing Hondo’s diatribe. He has no idea just why Obi-Wan wanted Anakin and Ahsoka in on the conversation, oh, this was going to be wizard. He and Ahsoka shared their mirth with a quick glance before Anakin broke Hondo’s lecture on the finer points of setting up a hostage ransom. 

“Obi-Wan! Got yourself caught again, old man?” 

Rolling his eyes at him, Obi-Wan responds with equal good humor, “It’s not capture if you’re in control, my former Padawan.”

Catching on that something isn’t going quite to what he expected, Hondo’s holo blurs for moment as he turns to look at Anakin for a long second before turning back to the Jedi Master. “Kenobi.” He rumbles. 

Not turning to look at the pirate, Obi-Wan asks Anakin, “Why don’t you release the location inhibitor on your end, Anakin. I’m sure Hondo has been most curious as to what you and Ahsoka have been up to.” 

Turning to do as his former Master bids, Anakin catches Mace’s eye on the other holo. The council member is clearly working hard at keeping his face impassive, but Anakin sees how a corner of his mouth twitches up all the same. 

 

**

Obi-Wan found himself mildly curious, he didn’t realize that Weequay skin could adopt that color, and to acquire that shade so quickly too. 

Hondo finally wrenches his gaze from where he could clearly read that Anakin and Ahsoka were currently helping themselves to Hondo’s base on Florrum, and instead directs his dour gaze at him. There’s a couple seconds of dead silence as everyone wonders how the pirate captain is going to handle this latest turn about. 

Letting out a slightly forced bout of laughter Hondo throws one arm around Obi-Wan before starting, “Ah, Kenobi. You are a wily one, I admit! It’s why we get along so well, yes? But in this case, I’m starting to wonder, if maybe, you went too far, hmm?”

Knowing that unless he wanted Hondo’s blaster to go off from where it was now placed on his stomach, Obi-Wan starts carefully. “Really now, Hondo. I know your honor demands that such a valued partner as myself receives the guard I no doubt deserve. Anakin and Ahsoka are just kind enough to give me a ride back to the temple as I am without transport. What they get up to before we arrive, however, is up to you.”

He could almost see the cogs turning in Hondo’s head. And how he eventually concluded that killing Obi-Wan would result in his being hunted down by the scowling Anakin, and if he tried to further ransom Obi-Wan after services rendered, well then, Anakin would destroy his base with that maniacal grin of his. 

“Your title is justly earned, Kenobi. Although your methods of negotiation are a bit more… ruthless than I would have thought for a Jedi.”

Obi-Wan found his smile tightening, but otherwise didn’t show a reaction to the barb, “Well, Captain, it must be said the old adage has some truth to it, ‘All is fair in love and war’”. 

“And which are we playing out now, General?” Hondo turns on him with a sharp smile. 

Obi-Wan can hear Yoda’s soft cackle as he no doubt remembered what Hondo had said of him in their initial correspondence. Valiantly trying to keep his face from flushing too dramatically he says, “Well, if you refuse to take me back to my honor guard at your base on Florrum, I’m sure all present will interpret that as your intention to elope.”

Guffawing loudly and slapping Obi-Wan’s back hard enough the Jedi stepped forward a pace the pirate declared, “Perhaps another time my Jedi friend. In the meantime we best get you back to your pyromaniac inclined brat, hmm?”

“Hey!-“ Was all Anakin was able to start before Hondo cut off both holo connections. With both communications ended he turned to Obi-Wan with an unreadable expression of his face. “What has the war done to you, Kenobi? You used to have such honor!” A dramatic sigh, “There truly is no honor amongst thieves.”

“Take heart, Hondo.” Obi-Wan smirked, “If that’s the case then that means you’ve succeeded in making a pirate of me.” 

Rebounding quickly Hondo agreed. “Good point my Jedi friend!” Then calling out louder to his crew, “Pay up your bets! Jedi Kenobi is a self proclaimed pirate!” Turning back to Obi-Wan and now speaking softly continued, “However, my friend, if you truly wish to continue the most wonderful life of a pirate, let me know first, hmm?”

**

Walking quickly enough that Ahsoka had to half jog to keep up, Anakin approached where his former Master and Hondo appeared to be in yet another conversation disguised as an argument. 

“And what do I have to show for this disaster! Nothing!”

Obi-Wan looks amused as he answers the pirate, “Nothing? You got your crew returned to you and you reputation as a ruthless cutthroat who doesn’t abide by those who steal what he rightfully…liberated. In your line of business I would think those would be their own form of currency.” 

Glaring at his former captive the pirate snorts his polite disbelief that would be adequate compensation. With his usual small smile, Obi-Wan continues with what most would presume to be a non sequitur, “And what have you been up to while lounging about Hondo’s base?” 

Anakin blinks a moment trying to figure out what angle Obi-Wan is working, but before he can respond Snips beats him to the punch.

“Well, not too much for the most part, I did some coursework-Hondo’s base has really good internet! And Anakin got bored of waiting after like five minutes, so he found a couple droids to fix, and updated the communication desk, and I think he recalibrated a couple of the swoop bikes too.” Ahsoka rattles off with a teasing chirp.

Smiling openly at him now, Obi-Wan turns back to Hondo, “And it looks like Anakin has fixed up a good part of your base, his efforts alone I’m sure would equal costs of fuel and time that our particular adventure took.” 

Crossing his arms across his chest he starts in, “Actually, the supplies for the work I did would’ve been equal to the cost of your adventure, Obi-Wan. However, the fees for my time-“

Hondo cut him off by brusquely flapping his arms at the three Jedi like one would a cloud of gnats. “No, no! On your ship you go! I’m sure your Jedi council misses you deeply and is in need of your blowing up abilities elsewhere.” 

Anakin had startled at first when the pirate had grabbed Obi-Wan and started pushing him toward the Jedi’s ship. But when he saw that Hondo was quite literally trying to shove them all off his planet he and Snips started chuckling as they followed behind. Idly listening to Hondo’s muttered tirade and Obi-Wan’s attempt at polite interjection. 

Once Anakin had his Padawan and former Master up the ramp and was closing the hatch to the ship, Hondo gave one last verbal parting before stomping back towards his base and herding his crew back inside. 

“I’ve learned my lesson Kenobi! Holding you for hostage is no longer profitable!” 

Smirking over at Obi-Wan, Anakin couldn’t help to say, “I think that’s the nicest thing Hondo has ever said to you.” 

Grinning back at him, Obi-Wan adds, “Well, such trips do tend to bring people together.”

**


End file.
